le sigh

does anyone else doubt theirself as much as i do?? i mean honestly, sometimes i go through these slumps where i just think that i am this blob of a person. and that im just not nice enough, not good enough, and not pretty enough for this world. where the hell did this ideal come from? sometimes i think that is my lack of having a man around that makes me feel that way. i mean geez its been forever since i had one in my life. ...but still i should be happy anyways.... and sometimes i am...but most of the time my self esteem is pretty down in the dumps. and it doesnt help that everyone in the media is beautiful and tan...flawless.... ehh, i just need to get over it. ....see ya next time readers!

Ride Your Eliptical in the Street! yeah buddy!

so while at my day job, an infomercial was playing and i was introduced to this amazing invention.....
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Streetstrider-Eclipse-Mobile-Elliptical-Trainer-/120759286297

i am a huge fan of the eliptical machine! BUT, now they have made an eliptical that you can take to the streets! yeah buddy!! i had to share this with my readers. loveeeeeeeeeee this product!

until next time,
your go to girl

Dead on the Inside

Gawsh...why do I always feel so godamn dead inside? I came home to a bottle of wine just because I'd been feeling so damn low all day today. And now that the wine has worn off, I'm just back to feeling so ugly on the inside. What the hell is wrong with me that I can't just let go and feel real happiness?  Will I ever just feel like a normal human being? I feel like I've just given up on myself and my dreams. Sometimes I just feel like I can't find what I'm living for. does anyone else feel this way? Geez, I gotta stop being so damn hard on myself, and just love who I am. Le sigh....

Until next time,
Your go to girl

lazy and lovely

so ive been contimplating things a lot lately. is it wrong for me to not want to work and have the finer things in life? because seriously, i really need a man to swoop in and spoil the shit outta me. i mean, somewhere in my mind, i feel like i should NOT have to work but i should always have a pocket full of money. oh, and i should have a hot man at my every beck and call.

why couldnt i have been born into tons of money, where i spend my days shopping and laying out by a pool? and while laying out by the pool my hands and feet would be perfectly manicured and my makeup equally perfected. the biggest worry of my day would be applying enough SPF. ok, maybe im going a bit overboard. but seriously, can a girl get SOME of those things??.... maybe the sexy man and the pedi/ mani part. ...oh and of course my makeup will always look amazing.

i honestly dont know of any men who could deal with that.... haha. i feel like im fishing in a sea of married ...fish.

what about the lottery? does anyone really win the lottery anymore? maybe that would be a better solution. the odds of me winning the lottery are probably greater than me acting like a total gold digger and getting hitched..le sigh....

until next time,
your go to girl
www.your-go.blogspot.com

fem boys do not communicate like women

all men are the same...truely. even the gay boys. .. i have a gay friend. i always think of him as one of the girls. he will text me alot and want to hang out but then always flakes out on me. so ill find myself texting, and calling and i get delayed texts and unanswered phone calls. so ive come to the conclusion, seriously, all men are the same when it comes to communication hahaha. i just figured since he was more feminine than my other guy friends that maybe he would think a little more like a woman. ha! i was wrong.

there really isnt any point to this post, just something i was thinking on hahahaha. but truely, i love my gay boys :) you all enjoy your day! we are having beautiful weather here!

until next time,
your go to girl

current events

happy saturday readers. its been several days since my last post and i do apologize. ive been sooo busy! so, to get things started,....current events....none. hahahaha . yeah i know, pretty lame . i dont find myself speechless too often, but today is one of those days. and imagine that, no hangover.

on recent escapades i did learn that most attractive and charming men are married...find this out before you buy them a shot! ummm, lets see, sweat bands that say "dude" are back in style. wear them proud. and always, dance. even if you have two left feet. sometimes i just dance about in circles until i get dizzy. hahaha im sure its quite the spectacle.

so anyways, its the weekend guys! have fun. have laughs. and be merry...and have a shot,...or two, or eight.. ;0) dont drink and drive guys. im off to work for the evening, everyone be safe and hit me up on here. you can always reach me on my fb page! "like" me and lets start chatting!

until next time,
your go to girl
www.your-go.blogspot.com

Weekend Escapades

Hello readers!! It's been an eventful weekend. Hope everyone had a safe and festive mardi gras. My weekend consisted of wine and being called snooki by three bald guys. Who I then immediately touched each and everyone of their bald heads and literally " duck duck goosed" them. Except for the goose was bald. Hahaha. I also crashed a birthday party and seen some old friends from highschool. So I had my fair share of fun.
Biggest lesson learned this weekend,....it is nearly impossible to make a bed buddy anymore than just a friend. Although that person may send mixed signals , ya just shouldn't go there. Or perhaps maybe this person is developing some real feelings...le sigh, idk, I can never figure these things out. So I've decided to once again take a step back before some permanent damage is done.

But all in all, great weekend. Hope all of u had fun. I gotta get back to work. Much love to ya!

Until next time,
Your go to girl

sexy time or set back?

can a friend,...thats a fuck buddy...become something more than just one or the other?? or can the two together never exist? i looked up at the stars last night and wondered how my heart has become so broken. and then for a minute in pure intoxication, i can forget about it, for just a minute or two. and even though ive set out only for a fuck buddy, sometimes i look in his eyes and i want to make something more of the way he looks into mine. i so badly long for companionship but no one is suitable. i need someone with depth with a playful side. someone that can look into my eyes and know exactly how i feel. i dont want someone thats like everyone else, i want someone different. someone that intrigues my mind....not bore me to death with blah blah cars blah blah fast cars...food beer sleep...typical..

until next time,
your go to girl

plus size nude model next to runway model

hey everyone. i found this link and i just had to share. its very bold! i enjoyed it. have a good night guys and gals!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2085226/PLUS-Model-Magazines-Katya-Zharkova-cover-highlights-body-image-fashion-industry.html

lacking a lust

i feel that alot lately ive been just dragging through life. i dont enjoy going to work and i dont enjoy being home from work. and more and more i find myself burning bridges with people. and everytime i turn around, someone has burned their bridge with me. i often lately have been finding myself daydreaming of taking a road trip to anywhere. going somewhere warm, some where with sand and palm trees. a place where no one knows my name and i can just blend into the background.

i feel that being a single mom, living from paycheck to paycheck isnt enough for me. i feel like i should have some deeper meaning and purpose for this world. and that the person i see on the inside , does not match the person i see on the outside.

what is the remedy when you lack a lust for life?

until next time,
your go to girl

dream weaver

hello readers. its been a long couple of days. lots of things on the brain. my dreams lately have been very vivid and ....strange to say the least. ive had many dreams of taking off and visiting the world, bicycling across country, and of a man hunting me down. not only am i left with the vision of these dreams but the feelings as well. and some of those feelings are not as pleasant...guilt, loss, regret, love, remorse....and all these feelings i take with me when i wake. the feelings of these dreams stay with me all day and consume me. i almost feel depressed. i cant really explain how odd it is.

so, i dont really know how to explain it. ...its strange. i really dont even know how to elaborate anymore on it. lol...sorry if im boring you tonight. i really just wanted to keep in touch and share a little bit of my world with you. thank you for reading. and sweet dreams!

until next time,
your go to girl

ugh ya freckin muffin top

why the hell is skinny in? i gotta say, now that ive been living a little more comfortable, i wanna dine out, i wanna eat EVERYTHING. lol... and every time i put a mozzarella stick in my mouth i just think, eh, ill diet next week, or its the weekend. and then i look at my growing belly and just think ugh, might as well have 3 more, cuz its not going to stop this lil pudge growing right here right now. or otherwise known as what i like to call "the food baby."


does anyone know of any miracle super diets? and i already know what you die hard health fanatics are thinking "diet and excercise."...but what about us people that constantly crave SOMETHING all the damn time!? i know im not alone in this. ive seen other heftys walking around. lol... and what about these damn celebrities having their babies and then like 5 days later are already a size smaller than what they were before they got pregnant.... what are they doing? is there a magic pill that could just knock down my appetite a little bit?...becasuse really, that would be the cure all. ...i have a gym membership and i do enjoy going. but when your on a see food diet, the gym isnt really helpin too much.


and, as far as diet, dear god, fiber makes my stomach soooooo unhappy. might as well lock myself away from public cuz they dont make a gas pill to fix that!


so does anyone have any tips, tricks, or trends? or shall we just be pudgy together? ehh either way, i still love you all. cheers to the muffin top!


until next time,
your go to girl
www.your-go.blogspot.com

hey readers! my challenge for you!... wake up :)

hey readers. ive only had this blog running for a couple of weeks now but have had alot of pageviews. i thank all of you for stopping by. but here is my challenge for you! im ready to hear back from you! i want your comments and feed back. let me know, do ya like me? hate me? wanna hug me? perhaps punch me in the face?? hahaha whatever it is, i challenge you to leave your comments. cant wait to hear from you!

your go to girl

diva bitch attitude

on a recent outting, ive discovered that i find myself cutting more and more people from my life. i realize at times...ok, alot of the times i act like a diva bitch, but when in reality, i really just want everyone to like me. this does not make sense..i often find that i do the opposite of what i actually want. but then while sitting there, ive been really nice lately. and one person can ruin it. and i find myself wondering why im even nice at all to these people. perhaps they deserve my diva bitch attitude.

after a friend confronted me and asked what was wrong, i tried to explain but just didnt wanna go there..so i wake up to a text this morning saying i need to shut my fucking mouth.. i was accused of calling these people "punks" .. lol...so, i decided to ignore this text. maybe if i ignore it this kid will think that he had the wrong number...but anyways, point is, it came from the horses mouth, and this horse was supposed to be one of my best friends...

i ignored the urge to text back fuck u , fuck u, x100. and also call out the horse. instead i went about my day, and decided that ya know, theres other horses in the sea...and perhaps im grazing on the wrong pasture. so ha! and my day ends here.

so my advice for everyone. eff the nay sayers. be, whoever it is that you are, and just go with things because you cant please everyone all the time. worry only about yourself, and fuck everyone else...except for your mom....lol...always have love for your mama!

until next time,
your go to girl
www.your-go.blogspot.com

lettin it out

i just spent the last hour and a half  " letting out my jeans"....lol so to speak. i came up with a really good idea that if i cut the sides of my jeans and then replaced it with thick elastic that it would some how get rid of my muffin top. lol well it sorta worked but didnt change the fact that my jeans are low waisted. maybe if i perfect this craft i will really be onto something. lol...just goes to show ya what a girl will go through to look good! guys, dont take this lightly. we do this mostly for you. hahaha

anyone else got any crafty ideas on this monday night? send me your thoughts.

until next time,
your go to girl

Love your mommys

I'd like to take a moment to express how grateful I am to have my mom. She truely is an amazing woman. So this post is for her. Thank you mom, for everything you do!!!

For everyone out there reading, give your mom a hug, if you are fortunate enough to have one!

Until next time,
Your go to girl

single and sexing

being a woman, can you have casual sex and not be considered a "whore"? ... thats whats on my mind today.

as much as i would love a significant other and a family,  i just dont see it in my near future. maybe its due to my lack of self confidence...or maybe im just not dating material even though i think i am. im aware i only show whats surface deep...but in this world its hard to open up and trust people.

so to get back on topic, i had an amazing encounter. we were drunk in lust. this person has been a dear friend for quite some time. ...yes i have friends with benefits...a girl has needs ya know. ...so anyways, it was like a marathon of sex. no inhibitions , just lust. having no concept of time we enjoyed eachother's embrace until the earling morning hours..

but then found myself this morning thinking, geez, why cant i have that all the time? am i only good enough to be somebody's fuck buddy? i felt so beautiful. and over endulged with compliments. any flaw i possessed was erased from my mind. i would love to feel that way everyday. drunk with lust and happiness....

so i guess what im asking, is it ok for a single woman to have "bed buddies"?  should we feel guilty in the morning? if men can do it, why cant we? Whats your thoughts?

until next time,
your go to girl
www.your-go.blogspot.com

haunted by the ghost of you

so i continue to have dreams about "the one that got away." i even had a text msg this morning and i didnt recognize the number, and i thought " could it be?" it was not him, of course. i felt my heart sink. so then i find myself searching frantically all over fb trying to find his page. but it was a bust as usual.

i just wonder how long is he going to be on my mind. and is he my first love? i thought i had been in love before, but this is definitely different. its been over 3 years, and i cant stop thinking about him. is this how it feels when you think of your first love? does anyone else have this kinda experience?

i often wonder if there was something i should have done differently. or would we be a better suited match now that some time has passed? maybe things would be different if i had some sort of contact with him. the sad thing is, every person i start dating i compare to him. nobody has ever made me feel like him. could or will i ever feel that way again?

i feel like everywhere i turn im constantly reminded of him. cosmically, is the universe trying to bring us back together??

until next time,
your go to girl
www.your-go.blogspot.com

the real 16 and pregnant

i really have to wonder why morgan freeman ever got involved with something like teen mom...or 16 and pregnant. i feel like we are advertising that it is ok for our teens to get pregnant. it makes my stomach turn everytime i watch that show..and its on all the damn time.

when i was 16, i found out i was pregnant. but this unfortunately was before i got out of my abusive relationship. i felt like my whole world was ending. i hadnt even finished highschool. i was so ashamed and embarrassed to tell my mom that i was pregnant. when i did finally tell my parents of course they were not happy but what could they do. my mom learned to except the fact and supported my decision. we even went yard saleing for baby clothes together. my father was not accepting of this. he didnt want anything to do with the idea.

as for my boyfriend ( my child's father) , he said in the beginning he would be there for me but he wasnt. i remember a specific incadent that was the deciding factor in ending our relationship. i remember i came over to his house to discuss a plan for the baby. i was balling my eyes out. and then he said what i will never forget..." if you dont stop crying i will punch you in the stomach and you wont have anything to cry about."...i knew at that moment i had to escape the relationship that had trapped me for almost 2 years.

i remember my first doctor's appt. how exciting, we get to hear the baby's hear beat! the morning of the appt. i arrived at my boyfriend's house to pick him up. and to my surprise he was still in bed. i was pissed. for whatever reason he made an excuse why he suddenly wanted to drive seperately ( which made no sense) . so i gave in and said whatever, lets just go. with him following behind me in his car i made the first exit onto the highway....he didnt follow. there was no time to turn around. and we didnt have cell phones at this time. i was 16 and went to my first doctors appt by myself.

i remember feeling utter disgust. and feeling more alone than ever. i could never understand why he didnt follow. and was sleep more important than his unborn child?

so, this is just short  version of my "16 and pregnant" true life story. there is a lot on those mtv shows that you dont see. what about all the countless nights of crying? i havent seen that one yet. im done ranting. lol...but seriously someone should take that crap off our tv's.

until next time,
your go to girl
www.your-go.blogspot.com

i talked to snooki

hello readers! an exciting night for me, and you'll probably think this is silly...but i got a message from snooki on facebook!..for those that dont know me, im a HUGE jersey shore fan. AND and even bigger snooki fan. so, this sorta made my night and i had to share.

but anyways,  i sent her a msg to help promote the blog. so we will see! lol ...i know you are probably rolling your eyes, like who gives a shit , but like i said,...huge fan! hahaha  t-shirt time!!

until next time,
your go to girl

i love the gay community....tell me!!!

so in response to my previous post about the gay boy pretending he is straight... when i was a bit tipsy, i confronted him...lol...and well, of course he denied it. and had the most skankiest girl with him at the bar and was sucking face with her. lol i even promised i wouldnt tell anyone hahaha...i told him he could tell me , because i loved the gay community. lol

i wish people would just be honest with themselves. lol...i find it funny though. ..if you knew this person it would make it x10 more humorous.

until next time,
your go to girl

confidential vs confrontational

hello readers. ive been really busy lately and feel ive been neglecting my blog. so lets get things crackin! so i previously talked a bit about internet dating. well my romance i believe has come to an end. i had mentioned before that we knew a lot of the same people even though he lives in another state. well i made the mistake of telling him i had slept with one of his friends ( but this incadent happened over 2 years ago) . thats what i get for having no filter on my mouth. the last couple days since that was brought up, have been pretty silent on his part. sooo, im gonna assume, our internet romance is over.

to make a short story long, this friend that i slept with , we will call bob. 2 years ago or more me and bob used to be really good friends. ive known him since highschool. we would hang out and one night we had some drinks and decided that friend sex was a good idea. and it was until....

until bob, went to a party with his buddies and decided to tell everyone every little detail of what happened behind closed doors. and then eventually name dropped ...and there my buisness was, out in the open for everyone to know about. before my name was mentioned i was known as " being with a big girl isnt that bad."...excuse me mutha f*cker, your fat as shit. how dare you?

when i confronted bob, about his word vomit he denied it. if in fact you were my real friend, you would not have mentioned any of my private details to anyone. where is the respect for a lady, or better yet, one of your best friends. but to this day, everyone thinks that bob is just this wonderful person, a great friend...blah blah blah.

alot of people wonder why im such a hard judge of character. and this is one of the many reasons. im not gunna tell people well this is why ...because im not going to embarrass myself or him. i have fuckin respect.

after i confronted bob about this, i just wanted an explanation,...ANYTHING. he had no explanation. i never got an apology nor did he try to rekindle our friendship. and that probably hurt worse than his actual action. the way i take it our friendship really didnt mean a whole lot to him.

so to this day i ignore him and he ignores me. how sad. people are pretty inconsiderate of other people's feelings. ...well that is all.

until next time,
your go to girl
www.your-go.blogspot.com

do you REALLY know who you're sleeping with?

hey everyone, ive really had a difficult time lately finding some good things to post about. i keep saying that if someone would really piss me off, id have some really good material to work with. but for the most part, ive been pretty chipper lately and just enjoying my life. so i guess i cant bitch about that.

i did hear a pretty f*cked up story today from a friend.... to make a long story short, im just blown away at the fact that there are people out there that are HIV positive and totally aware of it and are out there NOT wrapping it up just passing the virus from person to person. are these carriers not aware that this is legally a huge deal?. ..isnt this considered some sort of attempted murder? because im pretty positive it is.

when someone is aware of a situation like this going on some feel like they dont want to report it because they dont wanna get involved. but what many dont know, is that they can report it anonymously. so please, if you are in this situation, PLEASE report this to your local authorities before more lives are effected. you will not be judged, and you are saving lives.

i have attached a helpful link to my post tonight for anyone living with HIV that needs info or support. i hope we can take action and prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS. please be safe out there in the dating world. you just never know these days. and always get yourself screened regularily for stds. lets keep ourselves and the ones we love healthy.
http://www.aids.org/

until next time,
your go to girl
www.your-go.blogspot.com

Fashion Do....Not

hey readers! i just had to share. this get up made me giggle. and in all honestly, even though this is very repulsive,...i sorta dig those cute little caterpillar looking things lol...i wonder if my boss would let me wear this on casual friday lol....

http://www.npr.org/blogs/monkeysee/2009/06/entirely_real_photos_fashion_s.html#more

i want to hear from you

hello readers! its sunday funday! anyone feeling a bit hungover ? i would like to thank each and every one of you for following and reading my blog. i started this less than a week ago and have already reached 300 page views!

i thought i would take a minute and ask what would you like to read about? or perhaps do you have any questions for me? lets get to know eachother better :)

cant wait to hear from you!

untile next time,
your go to girl
www.your-go.blogspot.com

the one who got away

everyone has heard of the expression "the one who got away." but how long are we supposed to go thinking about the "one?"

my story goes back about 3yrs ago. it was too good to be true. everyday felt like valentine's day. we could spend hours just talking and looking into eachother's eyes. we talked everyday on the phone, and always sent eachother cutesy texts when we werent together. i could not believe how head over heels in love i was with this boy. ...well slightly still am. and i remember my friends finding me noticably chipper ( which is unusual for me since im such a sour puss half the time) . but nope, this girl was beaming. finally...FINALLY i had found the one.

well as you expected, we broke up. i couldnt tell you to this day exactly what happened, and thats probably parcially why i still think about it. i remember a few nights after st. patrick's day i received a text from him and it sounded sketchy. i was at work so i had to wait until the end of the day to respond. i immediately called him once i was off the clock. he told me it was over.... . i cant even explain how i felt at that moment. almost like someone had sat on my chest and my heart fell on the floor. i remember being speachless. he wanted me to go home and call him and we could talk about it then..... if it was possible, ..i think i was in shock! but, like a dummy, instead of going home i went straight to the bar. my friends were there and i thought that would console me. but instead i just found myself repeating my same damn sob story over and over.

the next day, i immediately contacted him. ( i did drunk text him the night before but he did not respond)...and as the night before, no answer. some days  passed, and when i finally got ahold of him, he was a completely different person from the one i cared for so much. he just said it isnt working out.  and none of the feelings we felt for eachother was real. he made me feel like, maybe i just imagined everything! as i hung up the phone, my mind kept playing through conversations we had shared. almost like i was trying to prove to myself that they were real. i wanted to call him up and say "HA! you dont mean that and this is why..." i didnt, i mean , yeah of course i tried. but he didnt want anything to do with me.

i remember how in tune we were with eachother, and how everything seemed so easy...but i had then found myself removed from his life. he refused to have any contact with me what so ever. after talking with my girlfriends that suggested that perhaps maybe things were moving to fast for him and he was scared of what he was feeling. ... the first few weeks i flirted with the concept. and hell, even believed it. because in my mind, there was no way that he could ever remove ME from his life. because afterall , what we had was irreplaceable.

the days and the months went on. ...and still no consistent contact. we would randomly have encounters where either i or him were really desperately reaching out and then we would meet for a short period. and in these short visits, i would always get my hopes up. he would promise me things. and he would look at me like he always would, and my heart would melt all over again...but then the days would pass and i wouldnt hear from him...days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and months turned to years. i later learned that he moved to florida with a girl he met from home.

and still to this day, i think about this boy everyday. his piercing grey eyes. his shy smile. the way he would always keep his hands in his pocket with his shoulders shrugged and smile.... everywhere i turn i feel like there is something reminding me of him. and i often wonder, if he ever thinks of me the same way. is it possible that what we had was such deep of a connection that he just didnt know how to process it? and as mad as he has made me for just disappearing out of my life, he crosses my mind and i remember him for who he was to me.

Serial Monogamous

I've had a friend that I've known for quite some time. And I never understood her reasoning in life. She is what I call a serial monogamous. I've known her 5 years and she has been engaged 3 times and this is not including the engagements prior to meeting her. Before one relationship ends, she already has another one started. "Playing house" always came before her friendships. They are moved in , in a blink of an eye. And every relationship is a ready made family. These guys are good to her and her daughter, but is this healthy for the little one?

I guess my main complaint is, that I would love to have her in my life but it always comes at her convenience. She has isolated herself from all her friends due to her need for a family unit. Why can't she balance out both? And what is this chronic need for always having a man in her life?

And maybe I sound a bit judgemental, but it gets old when your texts and calls become predictably dismissed.

There's been instances where she won't come and hang out when I invite her, but when one of her ex's is there, she didn't hesitate to get pretty and come on out. And mind you, this occurred while being in a relationship. It all just seems a bit fickle.

Am I wrong for keeping her at arms length? What's your thoughts?

Until next time,
Your go to girl

can someone put that crying baby in his cage

hey everyone. found this and just wanted to share. people really come up with some stupid shit to try and patent. lol.... would you put your baby in a cage? hahaha

http://totallyabsurd.com/babycage.htm

sometimes all you can do is, look at it

hey everyone! just to spread some cheer today, this video always gives me a good laugh. so, i thought i would share it with you! enjoy and PLEASE make sure you LOOK AT IT! lol :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EF8GhC-T_Mo

enjoy,
your go to girl
www.your-go.blogspot.com

Internet Stud? or Internet Dud?

we have all heard of internet dating. but how many of you have actually tried it!? ive been dabbling in it this week. and ive got to say, my heart seems to be growing fond. this person currently does not live in the same state that im  in but is from this area.  we have some friends in common and he seems to be a pretty nice guy.

BUT, here are my thoughts....1. does he just seem great because he is so far away lol? 2. am i putting him on a pedastal because it seems too good to be true and 3. should i even get my hopes up?? i mean seriously, how many times have i gotten my hopes up only to be let down. ...ACTUALLY, not even let down, just expecting the expected...which would be, just  not working out. sure id love something to be excited about, but lets be real, you've gotta kiss a few frogs before you find a prince. and this chick here is running outta lip gloss!

so send me your feedback readers! id like to know your thoughts on internet dating. and what are your favorite internet dating sites? i enjoy this one www.pof.com .


until next time,
your go to girl www.your-go.blogspot.com

the world in a glass?

so while being out in about last night for a few hours, i started to ponder, why do "these" people think that im " that girl" ? i know these people dont have any relavence to my life, but i just wonder why or what impression i have given off to be labeled.

 someone told me this week at a pub that i am "always" drunk. ....we are at a bar, and thats the only time i see you is at this bar....who ISNT drunk here? isnt that what people do at the bar? .... Its a place to go unwind from your day or week and just let loose and enjoy good company. these words set heavy with me because i used to have a drinking problem.. and maybe some would say i still do and always will. but ive straightened my act up alot. ive learned to only drink to have a good time, not because your pissed off at the world. so, .... those words have bothered me this past week. and the person did apologize to me after seeing me visibly upset. but, do some people just think that , that is who i am? if you dig deeper, you will see there is a lot of substance here.

i guess this is so upsetting to me because i believe im a lot more than " that girl." ive been told by others how great of a  person i am, or how fun  i am to be around, etc. but then someone can say that, and its like all the good attributes have been stripped away.

i suppose in this insecure world we live in, we've learnded to second guess ourselves probably more than what we should. this has just been on my mind today and i thought i would get it off my chest. thank you for listening, guys and gals!


until next time,
your go to girl

preDICKtable

ok, im gonna go there yet again...hahaha sorry readers. but, guys, c'mon!! give me a guy that isnt going to do what the last one did. you know, same scenarios, friend card.....been there. lame text messages  or better yet, none at all. making plans and then cancelling, or my favorite making plans, then u call to confirm and they are M.I.A. ...then after you might here from them 2 days later. do guys really think we buy this? its 2012!!! EVERYONE is attached to there mobile devices. in this day in age, you cant say things like " oh i have just been really busy."...it takes 15 seconds to send a text!

give me a guy thats gonna surprise me. do what the last guy didnt. and when you tell me that your not like every other guy, PROVE IT. i think dating is pretty simple, and people over complicate everything. if you want to see someone, you will. if you wanna talk to someone, you will. simple as that. where there is a will, there is a way! dont let me look like a fool trying to get your attention.

and when did chivalry die?? when did women decide that we gotta get all painted up, and all bedazzled for the "new guy" we are "seeing". ?? everyone wants instant gratification these days. do men not see this effort we put forth? and when does that man decide that "you" arent worth HIS time...or theres someone better out there...is there someone better out there because THEY lack standards??

ok readers, i will end my rant. my point is if every guy says " im different", then none of them are actually different at all. they are just THAT guy that says " IM DIFFERENT"... and we know we are all so tired of hearing that one!

to all my male readers, i really do love you guys :) i do have love for ya, i just dont understand a damn one of you :)


until next time,
your go to girl

"Daddy Issues"

have you ever let one person define you your entire life? ive held onto for many many years the hurt my father put me through. and to this day, it still sits in the back of my mind. my father is the kind of person that holds grudges and its his way or no way. i remember my childhood with him was an 'OK' one. but the minute i reached the teenage years and started forming my own opinions is when our relationship changed...and soon after ended.

when i reached my teenage years i, like many, rebelled. i experiemented with pot and drinking. ( like many) ....my dad never could get passed any flaw i ever held. he expected me to make all the right decisions and when an undesirable one was made , he never forgot it. he just added it to his tally list of hate.

until i reached the age of 18, i lived in the same house as him. we never spoke. the only time words were exchanged was during heated arguments. at one point he made the comment that he wished he never had kids. most of his remarks i pushed so far out of my mind that i couldnt even recall at this moment. i think that he believed if he could yell at me and put me down enough that it would make me change and suddenly be a respectable adult.

when i was 17, i became pregnant and had my first child. my father was embarrassed to be seen with me in public. and hell, for most of my family's friends they didnt even know he had a daughter. i remember one time when i was noticably pregnant, we were going out to dinner as a family. when my dad discoverd i was going along too, he went back in the house because he didnt want to be seen with his embarrassment of a daughter.

i remember many of times my father going out of his way to big the biggest prick he could possibly be to me. i was never good enough. i was stupid. i was a waste of space to him. several times i tried to reach out and ammend things...that only lasted a couple days. and soon, he would go back to his ways. and even though im the only child in the immediate family to graduate highschool , go to college, and have a respectable profession, i am STILL not good enough.

it wasnt just I, that my father would belittle. he never was good with communication. yelling was his way of life...either that or just ignoring you. ive seen him make my own mother cry. ive seen him yell and  put down my brother when we were growing up. sometimes i become so angry when i hear the things that he says to my mom.

present day, its been some time that i removed myself from his life. its been years since i asked the man for anything....and yes he is still alive. my dad was always a looming cloud of anger growing up in the house. ...never knew when he was gonna start in with his shit. and when it came to me and him it always escalated. i grew up in a house where even at the supper table we wouldnt even ask eachother to pass the salt....there was always a middle man for that. pretty sad huh? i couldnt tell you anything about my father...favorite color...age....birthday....dont know, and honestly dont care.

i do strongly believe my father helped to shape me into who i am today. some attributes good...and some not so much. i probably have what they call " daddy issues" hahahha...i definitely have issues with men and definitely have issues with trust. BUT i can say im probably a lot more ballsy because of him. ..i mean hell, when your living in a war zone growing up your always on the defense, and always have the most wittiest comback resting on the tip of your tongue.

with all this being said, he never physically beat me....he just emotionally derailed me. but, i feel ive come out on top in life so far. things could definitely have turned out worse. ...i have given up on trying to mend things with him and have accepted that things are the way they are and they cannot be undone. because afterall,.....you cant miss, what you never had.

until next time,
your go to girl

gay? or happy?

as the day ends im reminded of a few things..... but where to start?... closet gays...whats the point? why cant everyone be honest? i know so many gays that are out of the closet and are happy. why must someone build themselves up to be someone they are not? perhaps a small town will do that, but it goes against my honesty policy. ive been called some of the harshest names that you couldnt even imagine. but through it all ive always remained true to myself. ive went through phases and definitely grown and maybe i dont feel the same way about certain things that i did several years ago...but thats who i was several years ago...you get what i mean? well maybe you dont, but i find it rather disgusting when a man can sleep with another man , and then turn around and say how disgusted he was over something sexual that happened the night before. and fr course the one man is obviously gay. but how many lies are too many? and when do the lies end? ...not after marriage...not after the first kid..and not after the second....thank god im not "that girl"... sometimes i find it my duty to embarrass and literally "bust" these people out in public. but then on the other hand i think, what for? its not my gain. and its certainly not his...or hers for that matter. i just wish people could be more honest. sometimes i wonder if im the only blatenly honest person left in this world. its these kind of situations that reinforce my singleness.

i guess my only message for tonight is to stay true to self....if not for yourself, for the people around you. your mama was right when she said honesty is the best policy.

until next time,
your go to girl

"like" me on facebook

hello fabulous followers and future to be's! the new page on facebook is up and running. i created this for you, the readers, to stay hip on whats going on in my world or better yet, another way to connect! id like to hear your opinions and ideas on future posts! so go to my page and "like" me on fb, and lets get chatting!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Your-Go-to-Girl/268525439881604#!/pages/Your-Go-to-Girl/268525439881604?sk=wall&filter=1

until next time,
your go to girl

The women who pee standing up

So I had to share. While on Google I decided to type on my name...and to my surprise....I'm NOT the only go to girl, or shall I say Go Girl ...

There is a device out there designed so that women can urinate standing up! I don't know about anyone else, but I'm perfectly fine with sitting to pee. This device you will just have to see to believe!!!! God help us when we have become too lazy to take a pee..... http://www.go-girl.com/how-to-use-gogirl.asp

Wait...no weight!

Why is it so difficult for us genetically challenged heftys to lose a little weight? And why do we let our weight decide our worth? I'm like oprah, my weight has went up and down for years....but why is it when we gain a few lbs we suddenly feel like a beached whale? Exercise....diet....blah.blah blah...and where are all the fat people at on tv?.. have we banished our fellow heftys from prime time? Who says skinny is where its at??

My roomate's daughter who is 6yrs old asked me the other day if her dress up clothes made her butt look big....REALLY!!? WHEN THE HELL did our kids pick up this thin is in non sense at such an early age?  When I was a kid, none of that stuff mattered. The only thing I worried about was what barbie was gonna wear when Ken came over.

I hear a lot in the media about children being bullied over their weight. And now there are public forums out there where teens can log on and bash their peers. Fat....nasty.....oh and my highschool favorite...slutty...yeah yeah I know getting off track with the weight subject ...but still, when I was a teen these social websites weren't popular or maybe didn't exist ....point being, its hard enough for me to deal with the thin is in shit but what are our kids growing up into?

I had a friend once tell me that their mother makes and made remarks to her about her weight.  Making small comments about adding extra cheese to her salad.....or the one that gets me..." Don't u think you should join a gym?"... You shouldn't feel uncomfortable to eat infront of your own mother. Why in the hell would anyone say this to their own child??

So, my own advice...salads....turkey....chicken ....and def nothing fried. Oh yeah, and no booze...but hell, with all the stress and pressure out there who doesn't want a drink, or two....or six...and make sure guys and gals exercise !!! Every little bit helps. And above all, love the skin your in. Because afterall your the only one who has to wear it . ;) stay classy folks.

Until next time,
Your go to girl
Http://www.your-go.blogspot.com

Let me introduce myself

I apologize for not introducing myself properly in my first post. So let's get better aquainted. I'm a single 20 something. My life has had its UPS and downs just like anyone else. I've battled depression, anxiety, addiction, heartache, love, lust, and temptation like many of you. I started this blog to share my life and oppions . My goal is to turn my blog into a tell all. I have no filter on my mouth in life and I just want to tell it how I see it. Not everyone will agree and that's ok, but hopefully you can find entertainment through my writings. This is my first time starting a blog, so bare with me. But I can promise you at the least a daily blog! So, thank you for taking the time to let me share a bit of my background with you. Happy reading folks!

P.s..if your still wondering what this blog is all about...well...EVERYTHING.  all the bullshit life throws at you will be here through the eyes of your go to girl!

Until next time,
Your go to girl

as the day comes to an end....

why is it every night before bed im consumed with an overwhelming amount of thoughts? maybe its my age....20 something, single, .....and at this very moment you start to realize that the timeline you built for yourself just hasnt panned out. you realize you are almost 30 and that cute little family with the two car garage and dream home just isnt there. i like to believe in the whole "carpe diem" thing, but lets face it, ....sometimes its difficult. being single these days are tough. and with valentines day right around the corner, every kissy faced couple seems to be throwing it in your face. ... by no means is it their fault, but damn, when u dont have it , the green eyed monster seems to come alive.

you've always got those people that say the same damn things to you " oh your young," , " you have plenty of time" , ...or my favorite " dont rush it, it will happen for you." ha! ...my biological clock is ticking! and i want a back rub! lol ..

is it normal that when night falls we seem to think about all these things that we feel we are lacking in life? what about all the things we have to be greatful for?... i dont know about any of you, but when its day time, i can see all these things!...but BAM, just about that time your feeling like a bum sitting on the couch before bed it hits you....your suddenly bored, your alone, why am i not cuddled up with a good lookin guy watching this crappy lifetime movie??? where in the hell do these thoughts come from?

and even though we all know that ex's are ex's for a reason,....for some unexplained reason they run across your mind just about the time your really getting into your own personal pitty party. or better yet, a night out with the girls can easily become a drunk texting nightmare to the ex....then when u wake up in the morning the regret sets in. .... why does being in a relationship seem to be such a important to-do on one's list. have we let this define who we are? have we forgot who we are without a side kick?

well, that is all for tonight. as for me, one thing is guranteed. the sun will rise tomorrow and it will most definitely be a brand new day! the pitty party ends when the sun arises! stay classy singles! you are all beautiful!

until next time,
your go to girl

friend card

hello future followers. im just your average girl, living this 20 something life. im hoping i can find enough guys and gals out there that can relate and get SOMETHING out of my rants. im very blunt! i say everything that you have thought at some point in time but maybe not had the balls to say it out loud.

so, for my first rant...lets talk about the "friend card". im a good looking gal, but somehow  always seem to hear " im just looking to be friends".... well, ....i know you all have been there at some point...now, did the friend card get pulled before or after a romantic rendavous in the sheets?? what ever happened to being upfront and honest with someone? ....anyone know that word committment? ...after the friend card gets pulled...skurt!!! im done!....but why does the other person not understand why you wish they would just disappear?? ..... has the world become THAT selfish? I personally, do not understand the oposite sex...so many mixed signals these days.... one day they wanna take u out to dinner and cuddle for a movie and then the next, they are ohhh so sketchy. does love even  exist anymore?

how is it i see the most repulsive people coupled up in public....and then i look in the mirror and think wtf? do people just decide to settle because they think they dont deserve the best? or is there that very few out there that believe still in inner beauty.??

i may be a bit vain, but we've all had these thoughts as we lay on the couch after a break up with our tissues and eat a gallon of ice cream...or maybe that big mac from mcdonalds. point being...i really think that we should officially make a physical "friend card" that we can readily hand to someone the minute we meet them...anyone else up for this? this is all for now. send your thoughts my way if youve been handed the friend card one too many times.

until next time ,
your go to girl