the one who got away

everyone has heard of the expression "the one who got away." but how long are we supposed to go thinking about the "one?"

my story goes back about 3yrs ago. it was too good to be true. everyday felt like valentine's day. we could spend hours just talking and looking into eachother's eyes. we talked everyday on the phone, and always sent eachother cutesy texts when we werent together. i could not believe how head over heels in love i was with this boy. ...well slightly still am. and i remember my friends finding me noticably chipper ( which is unusual for me since im such a sour puss half the time) . but nope, this girl was beaming. finally...FINALLY i had found the one.

well as you expected, we broke up. i couldnt tell you to this day exactly what happened, and thats probably parcially why i still think about it. i remember a few nights after st. patrick's day i received a text from him and it sounded sketchy. i was at work so i had to wait until the end of the day to respond. i immediately called him once i was off the clock. he told me it was over.... . i cant even explain how i felt at that moment. almost like someone had sat on my chest and my heart fell on the floor. i remember being speachless. he wanted me to go home and call him and we could talk about it then..... if it was possible, ..i think i was in shock! but, like a dummy, instead of going home i went straight to the bar. my friends were there and i thought that would console me. but instead i just found myself repeating my same damn sob story over and over.

the next day, i immediately contacted him. ( i did drunk text him the night before but he did not respond)...and as the night before, no answer. some days  passed, and when i finally got ahold of him, he was a completely different person from the one i cared for so much. he just said it isnt working out.  and none of the feelings we felt for eachother was real. he made me feel like, maybe i just imagined everything! as i hung up the phone, my mind kept playing through conversations we had shared. almost like i was trying to prove to myself that they were real. i wanted to call him up and say "HA! you dont mean that and this is why..." i didnt, i mean , yeah of course i tried. but he didnt want anything to do with me.

i remember how in tune we were with eachother, and how everything seemed so easy...but i had then found myself removed from his life. he refused to have any contact with me what so ever. after talking with my girlfriends that suggested that perhaps maybe things were moving to fast for him and he was scared of what he was feeling. ... the first few weeks i flirted with the concept. and hell, even believed it. because in my mind, there was no way that he could ever remove ME from his life. because afterall , what we had was irreplaceable.

the days and the months went on. ...and still no consistent contact. we would randomly have encounters where either i or him were really desperately reaching out and then we would meet for a short period. and in these short visits, i would always get my hopes up. he would promise me things. and he would look at me like he always would, and my heart would melt all over again...but then the days would pass and i wouldnt hear from him...days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and months turned to years. i later learned that he moved to florida with a girl he met from home.

and still to this day, i think about this boy everyday. his piercing grey eyes. his shy smile. the way he would always keep his hands in his pocket with his shoulders shrugged and smile.... everywhere i turn i feel like there is something reminding me of him. and i often wonder, if he ever thinks of me the same way. is it possible that what we had was such deep of a connection that he just didnt know how to process it? and as mad as he has made me for just disappearing out of my life, he crosses my mind and i remember him for who he was to me.